I just want to lay my weapon down

I was compelled to write my this blog after watching last nights episode of Single Ladies. Lisa Raye's character Keisha and DB Wood's character Malcolm have been "dating" and I use that word loosely. Both were intelligent, sexy, successful in their own right, but they were both "afraid" of giving in to the other. So for the last couple of weeks we've watched them both play games and do silly things all in the name of "self preservation". Each had their weapons drawn. Guns pointed at each other waiting on the other to make a move, but last night they both dropped their weapons and were open & honest with themselves and each other.
Let me explain "weapons drawn" it means using tactics to control a relationship mental, physical & emotional.

Lauryn Hill said it best "it could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard."
I have a tendency to always have my weapon drawn and if somebody does or says one thing I don't like I'm shooting first and asking questions later. I've developed this weapon strategy as a defense mechanism and honestly it works it keeps me from getting hurt but, it also keeps me from actually giving a person a chance.
I just wanna lay my weapons down I want to love without limits and trust someone without having my hand on my weapon.
I just wanna lay my weapon down. I want to appear in front of someone unarmed and open to all the possibilities of love.
I just wanna lay my weapon down and stop playing these silly relationship games.

Then I clam up.. Because I wanna lay my weapon down, but what about these men? They've got their weapons drawn too and I'm not bringing a knife to a gun fight so will I ever be able to lay my weapons down??????
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IS BEING SINGLE A CURSE?????

SO I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR MONTHS TRYING TO ACCURATELY DIPECT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ON THIS SUBJECT SO RIA HERE YOU GO!!!!

 

I really realized that I am perfectly fine with being single......

If you would’ve known me about five years ago, the above statement would have been like foreign language to me. Being without a boyfriend was absolutely unheard of in my book.  I desired and felt like I needed to be in a relationship. From about the age of 16 until 27, I thought that being single was the worst. I suffered from the complex of always needing to be emotionally attached to a man.  If I wasn’t in a relationship I was definitely searching my next boyfriend.  I feared being alone, and for the most part I was.  I’ll admit, during that time I seriously thought something was wrong with me because I seemed to stay in the “being single” department technically.  I mean I had a fling or two here and there but I engaged in these fly by night situations in hopes of them flourishing into a relationship.  I was a mess, not just emotionally but mentally too.  I suffered from believing in the false advertisement that the way to complete happiness and being a complete person was only through being in a relationship.

When did being single become a curse?  When did being alone become a bad thing?  It seems that we’ve been force fed the concept that being single is a death sentence, that our lives aren’t complete if we aren’t in a relationship.  There is so much emphasis and focus on being in a relationship that many of us have forgotten the beauty in being single.  That was a lesson that I had to learn.  Being single is not a bad thing at all.  It’s a gift to be single not a curse, and I’m not saying that being in a relationship is a curse and not a gift.  They are both gifts but one must come before the other.  In our single-ness we are granted this beautiful opportunity to discover who we are, what we want and what we need of ourselves before we can begin to look for the qualities that we want and need in a man.  Being single also presents a great opportunity to establish our value and our worth.  So with just those few benefits, and there are many more, I’m trying to figure out what is so wrong with taking the opportunity to enjoy being single?  I thought that is what we are supposed to do.  Besides how in the world can someone else enjoy our company if we can’t even enjoy it when we are by ourselves?

Relationships happen in their own time, something that I’ve come to learn and respect; and its something that is needed to be learned and respected by everyone.  We shouldn’t be interested in jumping into a relationship because of our fear of being alone or just for the “benefits” they are supposed to afford us; a showering of materialistic things, superficial love and only physical connection. We should want more than that.  We should need more than that and settling for less just for the sake of having a relationship shouldn’t be an option for any of us.  I know what I like, what I want, what I need and the kind of character I’m looking for in a man.  I know the kind of relationship I desire, want and need with him; and when everything is in alignment, opportunity will present itself. But first before I could even get that far, I had to become completely comfortable with being single and learning all that I needed and wanted to know about myself in order to make me a complete individual. 

In all honesty it boils down to just being comfortable in being single, understanding that being single is not a curse and that because the time hasn’t come around yet doesn’t mean it won’t.  It’s perfectly fine to take your time and discover who you are and wait for the man who is really worthy of your time, attention, energy and greatness.  Love and relationships aren’t going anywhere and when everything is right it will happen.  Until then, there is no rush to make it happen.  So, put all the fluff, glimmer and illusions to the side.  Forget about what the music is serenading to you about relationships and take one moment to think about yourself and this question.  What is really wrong with being single?