I just want to lay my weapon down

I was compelled to write my this blog after watching last nights episode of Single Ladies. Lisa Raye's character Keisha and DB Wood's character Malcolm have been "dating" and I use that word loosely. Both were intelligent, sexy, successful in their own right, but they were both "afraid" of giving in to the other. So for the last couple of weeks we've watched them both play games and do silly things all in the name of "self preservation". Each had their weapons drawn. Guns pointed at each other waiting on the other to make a move, but last night they both dropped their weapons and were open & honest with themselves and each other.
Let me explain "weapons drawn" it means using tactics to control a relationship mental, physical & emotional.

Lauryn Hill said it best "it could all be so simple, but you rather make it hard."
I have a tendency to always have my weapon drawn and if somebody does or says one thing I don't like I'm shooting first and asking questions later. I've developed this weapon strategy as a defense mechanism and honestly it works it keeps me from getting hurt but, it also keeps me from actually giving a person a chance.
I just wanna lay my weapons down I want to love without limits and trust someone without having my hand on my weapon.
I just wanna lay my weapon down. I want to appear in front of someone unarmed and open to all the possibilities of love.
I just wanna lay my weapon down and stop playing these silly relationship games.

Then I clam up.. Because I wanna lay my weapon down, but what about these men? They've got their weapons drawn too and I'm not bringing a knife to a gun fight so will I ever be able to lay my weapons down??????
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

IS BEING SINGLE A CURSE?????

SO I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR MONTHS TRYING TO ACCURATELY DIPECT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ON THIS SUBJECT SO RIA HERE YOU GO!!!!

 

I really realized that I am perfectly fine with being single......

If you would’ve known me about five years ago, the above statement would have been like foreign language to me. Being without a boyfriend was absolutely unheard of in my book.  I desired and felt like I needed to be in a relationship. From about the age of 16 until 27, I thought that being single was the worst. I suffered from the complex of always needing to be emotionally attached to a man.  If I wasn’t in a relationship I was definitely searching my next boyfriend.  I feared being alone, and for the most part I was.  I’ll admit, during that time I seriously thought something was wrong with me because I seemed to stay in the “being single” department technically.  I mean I had a fling or two here and there but I engaged in these fly by night situations in hopes of them flourishing into a relationship.  I was a mess, not just emotionally but mentally too.  I suffered from believing in the false advertisement that the way to complete happiness and being a complete person was only through being in a relationship.

When did being single become a curse?  When did being alone become a bad thing?  It seems that we’ve been force fed the concept that being single is a death sentence, that our lives aren’t complete if we aren’t in a relationship.  There is so much emphasis and focus on being in a relationship that many of us have forgotten the beauty in being single.  That was a lesson that I had to learn.  Being single is not a bad thing at all.  It’s a gift to be single not a curse, and I’m not saying that being in a relationship is a curse and not a gift.  They are both gifts but one must come before the other.  In our single-ness we are granted this beautiful opportunity to discover who we are, what we want and what we need of ourselves before we can begin to look for the qualities that we want and need in a man.  Being single also presents a great opportunity to establish our value and our worth.  So with just those few benefits, and there are many more, I’m trying to figure out what is so wrong with taking the opportunity to enjoy being single?  I thought that is what we are supposed to do.  Besides how in the world can someone else enjoy our company if we can’t even enjoy it when we are by ourselves?

Relationships happen in their own time, something that I’ve come to learn and respect; and its something that is needed to be learned and respected by everyone.  We shouldn’t be interested in jumping into a relationship because of our fear of being alone or just for the “benefits” they are supposed to afford us; a showering of materialistic things, superficial love and only physical connection. We should want more than that.  We should need more than that and settling for less just for the sake of having a relationship shouldn’t be an option for any of us.  I know what I like, what I want, what I need and the kind of character I’m looking for in a man.  I know the kind of relationship I desire, want and need with him; and when everything is in alignment, opportunity will present itself. But first before I could even get that far, I had to become completely comfortable with being single and learning all that I needed and wanted to know about myself in order to make me a complete individual. 

In all honesty it boils down to just being comfortable in being single, understanding that being single is not a curse and that because the time hasn’t come around yet doesn’t mean it won’t.  It’s perfectly fine to take your time and discover who you are and wait for the man who is really worthy of your time, attention, energy and greatness.  Love and relationships aren’t going anywhere and when everything is right it will happen.  Until then, there is no rush to make it happen.  So, put all the fluff, glimmer and illusions to the side.  Forget about what the music is serenading to you about relationships and take one moment to think about yourself and this question.  What is really wrong with being single?

For Colored Girls.... A Tyler Perry Movie & the Ntozake Shange book

I read this book when I was about 16 years old.  I saw it on my mothers book shelf and I became intrigued with the title and the woman with the black face on the cover.  She reminded me of someone I knew maybe my mother, maybe my aunt, maybe my cousins or maybe myself.  I picked that at book up and I read those words of the women all named after colors...  I tried to make sense of their inner turmoil... I tried to wonder what it would be like to have an abortion... I thought about having men come in and out of my bedroom... I tried to imagine having my kids thrown out the window by the man I loved...  I read that book over and over and I still couldn't make sense of it... I was so young and naive that I really didn't know what those words meant...  Abortion, hurt, pain, cheating men and just the everyday pain of being a Colored Girl...  Now at 29 years young those words they were speaking are my words, words of my friends and family members.  Now I know what the lady in green meant when she said "somebody tried to take all of my stuff somebody tried to take me and tried to leave a simple bitch in my place." Now I know what it feels like to have sorry greeting you at the door and so many sorry's your closet you can't even get to your clothes."

Last night I went to see the movie with my sisters and step-mothers they were delighted, but I was skeptical for two reasons one being it was a Tyler Perry movie and everybody knows this Diva Doll ain't no Tyler Perry fan.  Two how to you bring such a dramatic chorepoem to the big screen? When the movie first started I was rolling my eyes and forming opinions, but not even ten minutes into it I remember being 16 years old sitting on the back of my father's Ford pick-up truck reading about these colored women and not just black in color, but every color of the rainbow.  I remembered loving someone who didn't love me back, I remember thinking I could make somebody love me because of what was in between my thighs and here it was for me people who look like me and sound like me going threw problems that I've been through or that I know someone who is going threw.  Kerry Washington, Anika Noni Rose, Phylisia Rashad, Whoppi Goldberg, Thandie Newton, Kimberly Elise, Loretta Devine and Tessa Thompson were all awesome, but I have to give Janet Jackson special praise for her portrayal of the lady in red "Jo" she was so believable and when she delivered Ntozake's poem "Sorry" I had chills all over my body and tears running down my face.  I felt what she was talking about it was so real... Not her exact situation, but the fact that we've all been tired of hearing I'm sorry!

I urge all women to go see this women and not just women of color, but women.  We have to be empowered, we have to make sure that nobody walks out with our stuff under their arm in a plastic bag.

I'm just saying Volume 1

The I'm just saying Volumes are complied of my random thoughts.......

Was I not supposed to notice the little bag of chips is now a tiny mouthful of chips with more air?

Remember when you had to wrestle that first pickle out of the jar? Not anymore! There's plenty of room now, before you pop the lid.


Exactly how many taxes and surcharges can a company charge you for? Wikipedia says a surcharge is an extra fee added onto another fee or charge.

Can anybody tell me why some folks are STILL debating my president’s birth certificate? SMH


Is anyone else wondering why “Reality TV” is called that? Whose reality is it? If that’s reality then why am I not having an ideal life? What’s the in-between called? Maybe that's where I am


Why is that some women love to wear clothes that don't fit?Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should wear it


Why do people think technical help people are like Gods who see and know all? “My computer has an error……(insert crickets here)” or “Something is wrong with this machine….(more crickets). Remember the slogan, “Be kind, rewind”? I think the tech help slogan should be, “be specific or we won’t fix it”

If your kids can't decipher who's their real uncles from the fake uncles you've got a problem

#imjustsaying

Quote of the day...

"Wait for the BEST thing not the next thing..."

How many of us are guilty of jumping straight out the frying pan into the fire? I know I can raise my hand to that one ... Its like hailing a cab on a busy New York street during rush hour you don't know what type of cab you're gonna get.. It could the smelly arabic man or the non english speaking african and you're sitting in the back of the cab thinking "why did I have to be in such a fucking rush?"
Often times we are so pressed to be with somebody we will get with the next "anybody" that comes along and there we are thinking "what was I thinking?" We rush into things prematurely without waiting and weighing our options to make sure our next choice is the best choice.
This quote says to me wait for the best thing, that which God has designed for you.. It may not come when you want it, but its always on time!
Sent via DivaDolls¤ BlackBerry

K-Ci & JoJo Come Clean... Episode 2

On this week's episode of K-Ci and JoJo come clean a reality show about former Jodeci band members brothers K-Ci and Jojo allow cameras to follow them for 30 days as they make an attempt to get "clean."  Rev. Dr. Jamal Bryant who acts as K-Ci and JoJo's spiritual advisor during this process in attempt to help K-Ci & JoJo bring closures to issues that act as triggers for the two brothers Dr. Bryant brings in the brothers children AND the mothers of those children to spend time with them and mend broken fences created by addiction.  While you would think they both would be happy to see their children especially when the children are supporting them in this road to  recovery.  But, K-Ci wasn't.... K-Ci didn't even know who his 18 year old son Devin was (he hadn't seen him in 10 or more years) and he says "I want to see my son on my terms" while I understand he may have been a little embarrassed, but what better time to see your son and try to make amends???  He was there reaching out to his father while supporting him.. That speaks volumes to me Devin was there to support someone who hadn't been there to support him...

Its funny how men stay away from their children for years and years I couldn't imagine being away from my two daughters for any extended period of time.  I would worry myself sick thinking about them... Worrying if they were healthy, fed or if they were being treated right... Its funny to me how men are able to disconnect from their children these little people who act like you, look like you, adore you and most importantly love you... 
K-Ci's son was surprisingly open to this reunion and moving on with their relationship, but it doesn't always work like that.. Often times children are bitter and hurt because Dad left and it affects their lives tremendously....http://kciandjojo.tvoneonline.com/
http://video.aol.com/aolvideo/aol-black-voices/my-kids-my-choice-k-ci-and-jo-jo/650005395001